Couple Grammes of Soma

Oh, what a relief. The thing desired is a tree of life when it does come.

I have decided I need more suits that are my size.

It is not really possible to satisfy everyone. From a human standpoint.

Out talk me? Hah, but I’ll take your word for it.

As obsessed with recording talks as I am, you’d think I’d have a more sure fire system in place. LAME.

It’s kinda funny really, but I’m gonna miss this place a lot. I can tell already.

It’s far to early, but HR is combing his hair so I thought I’d try and peck something out. Bleh…

It takes about three songs before I start liking The Walkmen again, but man after that they are just great. Kinda cool, same old thing happens every time I put them on. Stick it out though, and it’s a really good choice. Reminds me of life. Persist in it.

I got a rather up-beat hopeful e-mail from CR. Hope they’re not disappointed. Surely a good time to be had by all.

New shoes? Eh, yes, I was in dire need. When your shoes make dressing up feel trashy, yup, time for some new ones.

Modesty is so important. Life is so frustrating when you’ve taken on more than you can actually handle. Not that you are all you’ve got to rely on, but just being realistic makes things so much more enjoyable. Granted some things may take longer to achieve, but the real situation is that since you couldn’t handle them in the first place, you would of lost them or done poorly so why screw it up. Just work up to it. You’ll get there eventually. Without goals I’d never really be confident in where I was heading. That would show from afar. At least. Not to mention would leave me feeling all discontent inside. Haha, I laugh at you discontentment, and that is satisfying in itself. So if you can’t, don’t. Set another goal. It’ll come quicker than it wont.

The looks HR and I are shot by fellow patrons at shopping establishments always kinda make me laugh. I’m not really sure what people are thinking. I seem to walk a stride faster than HR I have noticed. My apologies. I wonder if my hurried pace reveals something about my mental state or personality? Anal-yze that.

You wore the time like a dress that year

A lot has changed since we were kids. A lot. I can’t even tell you.

Counsel in the heart of man, is as deep waters. Discern and draw it up.

I can’t be upset with you for not using what you don’t have.

I remember climbing trees all day. I knew every branch. The top was okay for a few minutes. But the middle was always more comfortable. I used to swing on vines across the ditch and wonder how we weren’t rich. Cause all n’ all we were having the best time.

People usually look for a refuge in all the wrong places.

So I heard some talks by the CO in CR. Heh, can I just say one word “LISP”. Ahem, hopefully it was the recording.

F O C U S

I made a phone call when I was 17. I’m really glad I did.

So… colds are kinda annoying to have. But hey, I am probably to blame for being in such poor shape. Yet another reason to take care of myself, I get sick less. But alas, mucus is rather amazing. And truly it’s only slightly rearranged my social life. Could be a lot worse. Someone who doesn’t did call and ask how I was yesterday. That was pretty nice of them I think.

Guess what? I got my ticket for MN. Yes sir. Jereme got his as well. You know what that means? Let me explain it to you. Sean, Jereme, and I all have a ticket to Costa Rica. Jereme and I have tickets to MN. It means we’re leaving. For real. Not for pretend. That is incredibly exciting. Patience has it’s rewards.

I am very much looking forward to spending some time with a married couple I know in MN. Lovely people. I hope to go out in service in Hmong territory. That just sounds cool. Wonder if I’ll run across any Titteringtons or Moores up there. Would be nice to see Ezra and Bethany again. Yikes I hope that’s their names. Haha, it has been a while. Man I wonder if we’ll see Justin. Time to bust out the ol’ address book I suppose. We’ll have a week to kill, and I mean dead.

Went shopping for adventure type gear yesterday. I tell you what, I could spend money on that stuff no problem. It feels like an adventure just looking at it. High dollar gear has always been a weakness for me. Speaking of, check out these awesome messenger bags at Chrome. I intend to acquire one of those.

So for the first time ever in my entire short little life. I mean I’d say more, but really you wouldn’t understand, except like you and you. But I mean, first time? Yeah, no kidding. Never have had that happen ever. I mean not once. Not even close to that. It’s stinking amazing. Incredible. Yea words pretty much fail me, and that is rare. So take that for what it’s worth. But it’s priceless to me.

Back to the gear, waterproof stuff is so cool. I was looking at a Pelican laptop case. The thing is seriously watertight, dust proof etc. That’s what I’m talking about. Granted I may not ever require that kind of protection for a laptop. But I like just knowing I can get it. It’s sort of like knowing that although you’ll probably never call them, this one person would listen if you did, but just in a materialistic geek kinda way.

Jungle Hammocks. Those are neat too. But I kinda doubt I’ll need one in San Isidro. We’ll see.

Alright, well I’m gonna go try and find some food.

Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh… Now you tell me what you know.
Groucho Marx

I was able to ring out my shirt, pants, and socks after playing Frisbee Wednesday night. Humidity must have been rating pretty high.

Worked on a web page design some tonight. Creativity is pretty fun when things turn out similar to how I’d imagined them. I get a little bit frustrated with my ideas at times however. I noticed I have a tendency to continue to reuse ideas or themes until I’ve made something I like with them, something satisfactory. Then I can leave it alone and start a new idea. Months go by, but when I start working on something, poof, there is the old idea. Hopefully this new site design will help me put some old ideas to rest. In a breathtakingly fantastic way of course.

It seems imperative that I learn more HTML/CSS/PHP. I also really like this Ajax plug-in I’ve been using for my comments. Hopefully I can mod it’s CSS file enough to fit in the new site design. I’m not really interested in writing my own plug-in. Who knows though, it could happen.

Color schemes also tend to present me with a challenge. The fact being that I’ve never actually learned anything substantial about colors, primary colors aside, certainly doesn’t contribute to my versatility in picking out schemes.

The Rum Diary just swallows me with their sound.

Last Friday I felt like I was stuck crossing a road with traffic moving so fast I could only teeter back and forth on the dotted lines. That feeling began in a very normal way. I was thinking about some obstacles that I faced. Yet I wasn’t deliberately trying to be positive and I am afraid just as is often the case when people face unexpected obstacles, I allowed myself to get overwhelmed by negative thinking. When my thoughts turn that direction, I just gotta stomp them out. But also replace them with something positive. Having insight into how thoughts effect feelings and thus cause action, helps me understand what happened on Friday. There is no substitute for divine education. The wisdom of the world is foolishness.

I’ve been listening to a piano tribute to The Cure. I really enjoy that CD. As I was reminded this morning, The Boy Least Likely To is also amazingly jolly.

It was nice to work today. Not working last week was nice, but I do enjoy some good running about. I made up for my lack of secular work by playing Frisbee a few times. Fantastic toy that is. So simple. So uncomplicated.

I found a few pictures of the KH’s in Costa Rica. They look really nice. I really enjoyed seeing one picture in particular that shows a view of a mountain range there. Incredibly beautiful scene. I am sure there will be at least some sort of parasite or amoeba to balance out the incredibly gorgeous surroundings. And that’s okay. I don’t mean that negatively at all, I’m sure it will be fantastic no matter what is growing inside me. Besides, if I’m going to fit into any of the clothes I get from Paris next year, I’ve gotta get some sort of parasite. Ahh, Paris, I can’t wait. Bahahahaha.

Jereme towed my car to the mechanic last night. That was kinda exciting. The tow rope broke about half way through the journey. So we had to put a chain on. I tell you what, when I’m focused on something like that, I am focused. I had a white knuckle death grip on that steering wheel. It was amazing how my mind sensed the need for heightened alertness due to the potential for danger and fed me adrenaline. I am probably exaggerating though. Yet, it sure felt like my body had kicked it up a notch.

I use the word “though” a little to often for my liking. I’ll have to work on that though, DOH! did it again.

Cute.

So does anyone recommend any particular type of winter wear? I like thermals myself. I believe I’ll need to have a little bit more than that however.

So many great examples to follow. Some people have such a great influence on me. Up-building, that is a quality that takes work to manifest. It’s gotta start with myself. It’s a law. Diligent, I looked that up last week. I found it interesting that the Latin words it’s built from mean to love, esteem. Love and esteem certainly will have a big effect on how hard one works at any particular something. Love is at the root of diligence. At least it should be in the realm of ‘important things’. View point and perspective has such a tremendous effect on action. Zooming out from time to time is so healthy. You have so much potential. I just want to see you keep on smiling.

I could go on, and I probably will, just not right now.

Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself
But it’s always with love
With so much love

I spoke with a man who became a metaphor for pride. And as long as I spoke with him, he just wouldn’t die. Now I’m not really sure, if he’s living still. But I know once he’s gone, he never will.

My mind is like a little toy boat that a child pulls with a string as he meanders through the day.

Motor Trends. ha ha.

You cannot safely say, while I will be away
that you will not consider sadly, this distance
and how you led me to stray

It’s a tricky thing this day to day to day today.

What you avoid of contact is a step in a direction opposed to unity and the way that I can’t force what he can influence for a place in the rank of a few that are gold is that all right or are you all wrong to put in the place of plastic what you mined of white noise and static. Could I just say that I knew all along and it changed only slightly opinions to wrong. Though drawn along this boy’s boat surely isn’t sea worthy.

It’s hard to say and see and to step through what I promise myself I will do for a place in the row 5th column from the front I keep on asking and taking the brunt of all my insecurities absorb them through social niceties and I indeed have admitted more than I thought I’d committed to memory for the speech I’m gonna give. It’s all so cold until you breathe on it and then it just wont seem to sleep. What’s burning is burning blue and deep.

There was one that used to say in the most haphazard way, all his thoughts actualized for statements that were harsh. But maybe it’s just my calluses are a little less than fresh, and it’s not that I can’t take it just that I have to comment on the way. Cause if I’m being honest, I can’t be afraid of what you’re gonna say. What a day what a day what a day. Now I don’t even have to imagine what it feels like to feel this overwhelmed.

(Aren’t you glad you checked?)

How I do love to gab and gab and gab. But I agree, being quiet is always worth a stab.

Blame it on disintegration. That Robert Smith is so moody!

There are many things in the past that could of led to many things in the future. Or so T.S. Eliot did say. Perhaps you have once found yourself watching the possibilities, ahem I mean daydreaming.

Tennesse Williams, hmm, STELLA! Good movie in my book. “I wait for the click but it doesn’t kick in.”

I dreamt of vivid things last night. Today I find myself rather unsure of reality for indeed those dreams intimated to be such. The mind can be such a handsome devil; if you will.

Truely eyes can strike a glancing blow. Or bare all things openly and thus show deep scars in tow. Yet even in darkness, glow.

It’s hard to say what people are looking at when they stare seemingly into themselves. Hmm that sounds oxymoronic, but who am I to assume.

I like playing with flying discs (frisbees). A lot.

I love being friendly.

…Their mighty thoughts suggest

Life’s endless toil and endeavor;

And to-night I long for rest.

Read from some humbler poet,

Whose songs gushed from his heart,

As showers from the clouds of summer,

Or tears from the eyelids start;…

I can as close as guarentee that I’ll end up on top of a parking garage this evening. In a very good way.

My father tried to teach me human emotions.
They are… difficult.
-I Robot

By-the-way

I can’t see why all these confrontations,
I can’t see why all these dislocations,… In this colony, in this colony, in this colony.

I thoroughly enjoyed the meeting today.

oooh, Ladytron just came on the stereo, how nice.

When you commend people for something they didn’t know you knew about, it’s almost offensive that you knew things about their life they didn’t tell you, but then it seems to be all that much more encouraging for they did it without any expectation of notice by others.

Don’t pry, but listen. Let people decide what they want to tell you. Absorb it. Remind them you love them unconditionally.

Watch and learn; those who teach by example are usually teaching good things. Contemplate how their conduct works out, and to the extent that it’s good, imitate it. So so simple.

When I was a child, a psychologist told me that I was going to be just like my father in a few specific ways. I walked out of her office notwithstanding the fact that I was court ordered to be there. Eventually I was given another psychologist. He just said he understood that I was unhappy about my life. He asked me why I thought I was. I told him and felt a lot better. I still have a complex about being like my Dad. Thanks lady.

Don’t let the Devil make a monkey out of you.