Couple Grammes of Soma

OK, so I tried to not need to do this. But it’s better than other options.

My mentally insane brother misses me. Poor guy. I miss him too.

On Sunday May 4th I folded up and threw away a post-it-note that had been in my favorite book since 7:45ish PM August 11th, 2006. It had been in place for approximately 1 year, 7 months, 22 days, 14 hours.

So as things turn out, I am not getting married.

Now while I realize not everyone is interested in this, I also don’t care. hmm, yes I think that was a bit bitter. Not to worry, I’m keeping it in check overall.

It will most certainly take more than the past few days for me to stop thinking about that post-it-note. I don’t believe that is at all hard to understand, I mean I ran across that note at least five times a week for 85 weeks. 425 times, at least.

It’s a strange although not entirely unfamiliar feeling I have, trying to think of what to put in all this space that is empty now. From what I know of mental problems, and desperation, positive thoughts would be a good start. I can do that. But I also don’t want to coldly refuse to morn the loss of something precious to me.

What predictable, and yet tenacious, questions crawl into my conciousness. Will I? Can I? How? Why did? What did? Is it?

Yes, I’m quite sure it is my son.

I’m glad someone told me something I didn’t want to hear a few months ago. It’s helping now. I was rather peeved at “their nerve” when I heard it originally. But it was true and I couldn’t fault them for that.

“Put your spine in your back” is right. I mean that with no disdain whatsoever. I’m sure that both of us are actually winners here. This outcome may not have been the preference, but it is real, and that is a tremendously valuable thing.

It will be hard to trust, in the future. I can say that with some certainty. But then again, to trust another’s heart is no more secure than trusting your own. So frankly that shouldn’t really be blown out of proportion. Sincerity counts with me.

So what exactly is to become of this old bag of bones I see in the mirror? One things for sure, I’m getting fat.

I’ve resolved to hold off on dramatic decisions for a month. I think that should be long enough for me to stop thinking only of disappearing and start thinking at least a bit about the long term and how I want to get there, and where exactly there is.

On a positive note, I have not become a recluse. True it is only Wed. Give it time they say, right?

“If I go to the rain, you’ll never see me again” and other melodramatic quotations coming to a soppy boy near you.

It’s a touch strange to me that one morning (in about 3 minutes) 600 days and 14 hours of “us” can be made totally null. Null is a strong word, but still. Impressed I am with how unsure the best laid plans of mice and men are. At least I haven’t lost my temper.

I’m just not sure which one of us is supposed to meet at the river.

I wont hold on to you when there’s nothing to hold.

“The torment of human frustration, whatever its immediate cause, is the knowledge that the self is in prison, its vital force and “mangled mind” leaking away in lonely, wasteful self-conflict.” - Elizabeth Drew

Guided by Voices. Indeed. Great stuff.

I’ve had a cold for about a week now. Been taking Advil Cold and Sinus for a few days. Reminds me of being 14. Must be the pseudo-ephedrine.

Joined a Gym. Yup.

Things have been fairly busy for the past few months. As is always the case I suppose. I’d like to take a vacation honestly.

I came back from Costa Rica on January 14th. I started working full-time in March. Moved out in July. It’s now the 3rd quarter of November 2007. One year nine days since I moved to CR.

It’s a little bit hard trying to plan for a life you never planed for previously. Don’t ask me what that means. I have no idea.

Code

I started using JavaScript a bit at work. It’s proving to be more difficult to implement than I anticipated. My choice of JQuery over Prototype and Scriptaculous may have been premature. In a few minutes I’ll try the same feature in the later and see how many browsers explode. I have to be fair though, the problem seems to revolve around colliding SWFObject calls. Whatever the problem I’m not able to debug it successfully right now so I’m trying out another method. Yippee!

So I’ve been having a lot of trouble focusing lately. Especially this week. Of all weeks, why this week?

News, news…. So Sean’s got a kickin idea for a web service, very excited about that one. I’ll let you know when there is something to see.

Have you tried Wesabe? I started uploaded some stuff but haven’t had a lot of time to mess with it. Seems like it might be helpful.

So related to the web service Statiksoft is gonna develop, I am going to try and come up with a user stats dashboard design. I REALLY want to learn how to generate some sexy PDF reports. Reportlab looks promising. It’s just a matter of how much promise I show.

Saw Interpol last night. Yup.

Oh yeah and BarCampOrlando is Sunday!!!!

I moved out.

Nice.

Very late to the game I’ve installed the Google Analytics script in a few places. Here as well as the intranet. Our intranet at work is a secure one as most are and I’m a little worried that will cause me difficult to solve problems. I’ve already adjusted my settings to receive in the words of Google Help, “a personalized” version of the urchin script so we’ll see. Came up from this site with no problem. Although I didn’t use the PHP installation instructions so I may have to adjust the way I’ve got it installed to collect more accurate data. I’m fairly certain the people who work there would know which way works better than moi.

This is on my wish list. I have got to wake up more.

The more I read lately I come across EE being used for decent sized sites.

Tapes N’ Tapes and I’m from Barcelona are great bands.

Now to look for cheap tickets to Boston in two weeks.

CMS…

Other than that though it’s been a good day, or so says Emo Philips.

Leonard Cohen, he’s your man.

Coffee has been casting a shadow over me of late. That’s frustrating. I’m trying to drink it less. Hopefully that will not be a large inconvenience. I am trying to improve both my disposition, ability to sleep, and performance/productivity. Ha, both.

Plone, Drupal, Joomla!, DotNetNuke, which to recommend. I’ve got about 5 hours to figure that out. Thankfully there is no rush and I am really getting to take my time and understand the differences between the systems.

I’d be good at that game if I ever played it. No life of crime for me.

I’m moving out in July. Probably around the 18th. That’s something I’m happy about. It hasn’t totally settled in yet how much I’ll like it. But I think that’s because I’m trying to not get carried away with it. It’s still a few weeks away. I should probably pack some things up though. It’s hard to feel like it’s worth packing when I don’t own that much stuff. But it’s much easier to move things in boxes. I’ll be proud of myself if I pack stuff up before the move.

Got a couch?

Furniture is nice. Thankfully I wont need much since the place is pretty small. Sean is coming along for a few months also. He’s a good roomie.

Sure I’ll “bang that site out” on Saturday afternoon. This should be interesting. My total lack of connection with this project will certainly rear it’s head in the first 15 minutes of the process, after that it should be cool.

It’s Pedro, the Lion.

I’m gonna turn the internet upside down for my neighbors. Cause it’ll be funny. Yup.

There is something about the way Dostoevsky says stuff that cracks me up. I love the way his characters rant on and on at the brink of madness.

Web strategy, from none to one.

Went to GA for the weekend. Had a wonderful time. Really pleasant. It’s so fun to meet people. Good people. Nice people. It’s just a good time. Sure there is stress, for them, for me. Always. But it’s still fun. I mean with no stress everything would be mash potatoes. And that’s just kind of bland.

You were laying on the carpet
like you’re satin in a coffin.
You said, “Do you believe what you’re sayin’?”
Yeah right now, but not that often. ((Modest Mouse))

I had a 60% increase in the progress of Thomasmooremusic.net. Have to try and finish that up ASAP. I finally got a design I like, it’s just a matter of tying a few area’s of it together better and actually slicing the thing up in a decent fashion. Right now it doesn’t even show up in IE 7 or Opera. Oooppssss….

I took some pictures in this great coffee shop in Dublin, GA. Really nice place. One day I hope to open an office/shared workspace just like it. It had this awesome front area. Lots of room. Two front window nook areas. In the back it had these large floor to ceiling partitions made from welded steel beams, hollow ones, about 4×4. Then about two feet off the floor they had nice finish plywood bolted in. They stopped about 3 feet off the ceiling with the plywood. I really liked how that managed to make that area really private, but at the same time not close the place off. The partitions were on both walls and made a hallway in the middle. After you went through the hallway it opened back up into a little prep/storage area. It had big windows in the back also and a door that you could go outside to the back patio area. Nice big brick patio behind other buildings. Felt much bigger city than the town in general was. Cozy hanging lights. You could also come into the porch area from an ally. Which is awesome! Hopefully I’ll remember to get those pictures back from Violette.

“If I say anything mean in the next 5 hours I’m sorry.” ((Nina)) Haha, road trips are great.

Ada don’t talk about reasons why you don’t want to talk about reasons
why you don’t wanna talk ((The National-Ada Lyrics)) ((The National-Website))

A funny comment to make in a room full of people when something personal between some of them comes up is, “Aww, that’s a moment. Ya’ll are having a moment.” In a southern accent. Great stuff.

You get mistaken for strangers by your own friends
when you pass them at night under the silvery, silvery Citibank lights
arm in arm in arm and eyes and eyes glazing under
oh you wouldn’t want an angel watching over
surprise, surprise they wouldn’t wannna watch
another uninnocent, elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults ((The National-Mistaken for Strangers Lyrics))

You run for cover [and still find none]

1. Move out
2. Reg Aux Pio
3. Reg Pio
4. For Lan - Silent?
5. Min Ser
6. Fre Lan/Own Bus?
7. Move Out Sta - WA, MN
8. Tur 26

I had forgotten what it was
to know the difference
between
just as it does
make some sense
the difference
between
you have not
and that is why we are
I’ve been taught
and it isn’t very far
the difference
between
what it always does
how i am
closed i was
before it all began
I’m troubled by this self
sense
of less than
value
and though i always will
sometimes I just forget
it seems I had forgot
the difference
between
where I was
and
where I often am
-me